I know.......NEVER SAY NEVER!!!

I can safely say.......NEVER in my life have I felt like such a FAILURE!!!  I feel I have failed my Mom miserably......she deserves so much more than she is getting!  

I have sat back and waited for situations to improve(change)trying to avoid conflict for way too long........and now it's too late!  

She probably already hates us, and she doesn't even know what's coming?  

It seems there's no way to help her understand......I wish there was, so instead we will trick her, lie to her!  Do you know how hard it is to lie to someone that simply does not deserve it?  For me it's a killer!!!  

Nothing seems right, I have totally lost my reasoning........don't know what's right and wrong anymore?  

I feel so trapped in all of this......how must she feel?  

Now to plan a move......what, when, how, & why?(we know the where)

This is not easy at the best of times, but it becomes increasingly difficult when you are on a different wave link than some of those involved!  

  

 

Got another dreaded call!!

This morning I found out that a second room is available for Mom at Vilna.........I just want to SCREAM!!!  

I need someone to take over the rational part of my brain function..........mine is DONE!  

Another trip to the farm......

leaving me feeling SICK!!!

I don't even know what to report here.....nothing is good, I hate feeling like I can't do anything!!  I feel so against everything, I don't agree with anything, I can't do anything.......not even talk about it!!!  

It's awful to have such strong different opinions......it really makes being rational very HARD!!!!  

One thing I found out this weekend.....it seems small, but has really struck a nerve!!!  Mom was taken for a flu & pneumonia shot!!   This is something I KNOW she is against, under normal circumstances she would NEVER take these shots!  

For me, it's not the fact that she got the shot, it's that fact that her wishes were not considered(especially when she cannot stand up for herself)!  It was given to her because someone made a choice for her, one they know she wouldn't make for herself....I don't understand that!!!  I thought a guardian was suppose to make choices that are in the best interest of the person you are caring for??? It is my belief her best interest would be to follow her wishes?  

I can't imagine taking making a choice for someone you know they are totally against........that just doesn't seem fair!!!!  

All I can say, is thank goodness for Daryl & Lori......

Today Mom scores 4

Here is the scale for the Mini Mental test that Mom gets on a regular basis!  

Scoring

The maximum score on the Mini Mental State Exam is 30. In general, scores fall into four categories:24 – 30: "normal" range

20 – 23: mild cognitive impairment or possible early-stage/mild Alzheimer's disease
10 – 19: middle-stage/moderate Alzheimer's disease
0 – 9: late-stage/severe Alzheimer's disease

Although the Mini Mental State Exam and its scoring guidelines are useful, the MMSE shouldn't be used independently to make a diagnosis, nor should any other singular aspect of the diagnostic process. A diagnosis of Alzheimer's can only be made after a complete diagnostic workup rules out any other possible cause for the person's symptoms.

Last time she scored 7(I think it was near the end of August)!  Daryl has given her this test ever since she was diagnosed! 

Call for PLACEMENT has arrived(3 weeks ago)......apparently it's going to be denied!

update to follow

Got a phone call tonight..........happy for that!

It seems Mom will have a lady come on days when homecare isn't there. She will come in the afternoon for a couple of hours........hopefully this will turn out good.......I'm sure it will, and if it doesn't it can be easily changed, thankful for that!

what do you do when.....

1. someone continually refuses your help?
2. refuses to communicate
3. refuses to co-operate and in the process tells you that if you don't like it the way he wants to stay out of it.....nothing is open for discussion? 
   
4. someone doesn't care what anyone else thinks?

Arrived home last night after 8 days back home!

Once again I am feeling emotionally EXHAUSTED!

Nothing new out there.....same ole same ole!

1. Mom continues to decline!
2. Jeep continues to work from morning to night(seen him once in 8 days(for a total of maybe 1 hour))! Daryl & I have NO communication with him, other than letting him know when we are taking Mom & bringing her home again.......that's called courtesy!
3. Don't get me wrong........I really do love the time I spend with Mom & Daryl, it just gets increasingly difficult to go out there and see NO change/effort put forth to make things better for her......my sit around and wait days are coming to an end REAL QUICK!

Just talked to Mom.......she is VERY mixed up tonight.

Not sure what's up, she doesn't sound stressed............just very confused!

7:30 She had visitors(T&L), apparently she asked for them to come over as she was alone!

A little history!

coming soon!

2 reasons

At the moment my two main reasons for starting this blog are:

1. the obvious.....to journal this journey!
2. to share with others how I am feeling. There are so many people in Mom's circle that want to know how things are going. I am finding it more and more difficult to keep up good communication with everyone.....and it seems many only hear from me on my bad days!!! I literally spent 4 hours on the phone yesterday! All conversations were basically the same, simply repeating myself........very time consuming, stressful, and in the end no resolve, just talk!!!It seems like ever conversation I have is about the same thing, I am always complaing.........it is very exhausting! I am thankful to have so many that are willing to lend me their ear.........what must you be thinking? It is my hope that those that want to be informed will visit here.......read my updates.....and feel like they have been fairly informed!

oh my another blog?

It's time for me to share my stories on life with Mom & alzheimers! I will warn you things here are not always going to be pleasant, actually it's my guess that most time they won't be.

You are of course welcome to visit anytime, but if you think you will enjoy the lighter side of my life it might be best you stick to JUST4U & ME

I will try my best to keep things positive, acurate, & fair........I cannot make any promises.....that will not be easy while dealing with extreme levels of frustration!!!

I am starting this today, because today is one of those days............